can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
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The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The feeling are messing with the penis
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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