if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
