No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
