How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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