I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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