i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
