Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
