I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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