mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
