Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
