ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
