just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
