he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
