If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
