I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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