The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
