I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it