Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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