So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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