It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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