Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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