fuck your aforementioned shoe
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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