good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
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Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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