So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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