omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
