Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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