She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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