I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
