if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
