The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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