I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
