Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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