you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
