i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
