So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
