Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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