dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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