I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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