If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
