I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I supernannyed him into submission
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
