Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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