Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
