your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
