Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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