I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
