new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
