I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
