I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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