sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
