Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
