Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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