"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
