I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
