He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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