She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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