These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
