You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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