why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
