Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
