Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Someone shattered a urinal.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I love you. Go after that dick
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
