My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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