Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
