OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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