My friends, they love my intelligence
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
