He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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