Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
